I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my being single is dangerous.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
