Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
