I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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