I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
