i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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