the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
