addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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