Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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