is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think your dad took our porno
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
