is your mom at the bar?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
