he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
