We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
