as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize