Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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