weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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