Fine. I'll sleep in my office
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
