i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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