Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
