he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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