He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
