Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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