I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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