i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
