So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
