I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
