whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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