haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
