someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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