DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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