Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
