i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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