Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
