clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
