You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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