Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
