fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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