my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
