she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
