your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
