We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize