Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
