The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
