Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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