grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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