i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
