K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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