Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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