one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
