i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
