I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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