Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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