sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
