I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
