I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
