Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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