if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
