i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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