her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
