There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
