im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ugly people sure do ruin things
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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