i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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