You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's blow job season.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
