??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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