I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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