u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
