You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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