Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
