why do cheetos always look like penises
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
