no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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