i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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