I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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