saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
