Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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