worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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