you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
