just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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